Falling Behind
I would never forget you, but you'd forget me in an instance
When your body touches hers, when you're so intoxicated that just thinking about it hurts
Used to be so close but now you're not here
With me but not present
I know what you're thinking about
Who you're thinking about
Separated by a wall but I can hear your laugh
Which was saved for me
But now, it doesn't belong to me
Call me out so I don't feel bad
But what's worse?
Being together and forgotton
Or not even be remembered by you at all
Nothing's the same anymore
I feel left out
I don't feel alone, but lonely
How can I beg for the attention,
you don't even have left for me?
You'd be poorer than me
Guess it was never meant for me
I don't want to forget but I don't want to feel how it felt
When you were only mine and it was us against them
Laughing and crying together
Now I don't even want to see your face, I can't see your face
I could not imagine seeing you again
I cannot face you like this again and again and again
I try to tell my self it's alright, I console my self, I convince myself
But alas, I can't
I really can't
Forget what we used to be
Laying on my bed,
Silently looking at the ceiling,
Talking about life
Complaining how unfair it is
How harsh it is
But atleast we had each other and that's what we only needed
Waiting for you, you'd always be an hour late
I'd be pissed but still forgive you in the end
Cause I'd have noone else
That knows me like you
Understands me like you
Gets me like you
Saves me like you\
Had our ups and downs
Maybe this is karma
For making you feel small and unheard
I guess the fault's mine
Still, you forgave me cause that's what we do.
I was too busy running after people who didn't reciprocate it back
While I avoided the one that meant to me the most
Told your friends about how I changed
I did. But I'm glad I did
I learnt how important you were to me
How I was so wrong and so blind
Now I've got nothing left
I can't beg you to come back
For you've found your meaning
I can't make you lose something so precious just because I hold onto the memories we had
Deep down I know it's never coming back
I was always alone and always will be
Trying to blame you just so I could feel free
But I'm drowning in my own tears
Replaying the memories
Memories of my future
Sad sad future
Where im alone, unheard
Noone to talk to
Noone who will listen
Noone listens
I've not felt heard in ages
I want to let it all out
But the clot in my throat wouldn't let it get out
I cry myself to sleep thinking how I'm in the worst possible case anyone can be
I blame others ,they can't make time for me
Only to find out they're going through something worse
Everyone's always going through something worse
No matter how bad of a state I'm in
Then I spiral again
Telling myself how selfish I am
How needy I am
When they don't even have time for themselves
But really, what about me?
I blame you for making me feel this way,
But apologise right away cause you say you've been through worse
I feel bad, I feel worse
For the person I've become
But really, what about me?
Who's gonna apologise to me?
Who's gonna reassure me?
Who's gonna make me feel alright?
Make me feel loved?
Love me so much that I forget all the bad?
Be the yin to my yang?
Light up my dark sad life?
Never let me down,
Never let me cry
Cherish me as much as I deserve to be
But do I actually deserve that much?
I don't think I do
But I wouldn't mind a savior
I really need saving now...
(What are you supposed to do when your best friend falls in love?)
-Sera